This is a new series on book reviews that have change my life in a meaningful way. Some are books that I read 10years ago that I still refer to, or books I’ve read recently that I really want to share with everyone. The first book is Drop the ball by Tiffany Dudu
I almost did not read Tiffany’s book because I thought she was “too perfect”. I thought I wouldn’t be able to relate to her book. I’m glad I gave it a chance because I think it changed my life, the way I approach motherhood and the way I approach the “distribution of labour” in my marriage. Here’s a few reasons why I liked her book.
1. She does seem too perfect by my standards but that’s her nature. She was just born more organized and positive than most of us, I can’t fault her for her DNA. But she is candid about her failings and the amount of help she receives and the amount of help she asks for.
2. She talks about asking for help and who she gets help from. I find a lot of mothers don’t talk about this. They appear like they have super powers juggling it all, but we all know to survive as a working mom or a non working mom, we need a village made of of friends, co-workers, families etc.
3. She talks about how much harder marriage gets when you have kids. How tough it is to have conversations about “distribution of labour” with your spouse. We’re not taught by anyone how to approach these conversations in a considerate, constructive and thoughtful manner. She has real actionable suggestions in this area that are practical. That can be used by anyone. You may not agree with all of them, but I think you will walk away wanting to apply a few of her suggestions.
4. She drops the ball and talks about it. As a mom of two kids under 5. I drop the ball a lot. Like sending my kid to school in her uniform when it’s dress “normal day”. There was a period of time where Tiffany went two months without opening the mail and was late on so many bills. That happens and for some moms, there are periods in our life where it is so busy, we don’t have time for anything even basic things like opening mail.
5. She challenges the norm. I don’t believe in making excuses for men when they are not doing their fair share of the household chores or helping with the kids. But the reality of it is, the men in my cohort (mid 30s to mid 40s) were not raised with the mindset of 50/50 in the house hold chores and childcare. She points out way we as a society have not supported men to be better primary care givers. That both women and men need to challenge the stereotypes we impose on men and change our thinking.